Becoming the Woman that Father knows me to be… the first time I had this thought, I was working in Huntington Beach at a retail store and during down time we were blessed to get to just be. We would usually do laps around the store and talk, or sit in the office reading or at random times play dodgeball with the exercise balls but, I digress. The first time I had that thought, I was reading the book No Doubt About It by Sheri Dew. The snapshot you would have seen of my life was pretty crazy but was normal to me. I was living with my mom in a 2 bedroom apartment and my parents had been divorced for a year or two. We won’t go into what that relationship was like but it wasn’t your stereotypical Mother/Daughter relationship. I was dating someone that I enjoyed being around but wasn’t able to fully commit. I drank and partied and came to work a number of times probably still buzzed from the night before. I wasn’t happy but I drank to forget that part. I knew something was fundamentally wrong and missing from my life and I had to find it or lose myself forever. I very randomly decided I needed to go to Deseret Book in Orange and get something uplifting. Scripture markers or something… I walked around the store trying to find what it was I needed. I found a great series of fictional books call the Great and Terrible (I totally recommend it) and No Doubt About It. Something about the cover made me stop and read the inside cover. I walked around some more and found a matted picture that said “Stress is what happens when your mind says no but your mouth says, of course I would love to!” Chuckling, I walked to the register to pay for my new belongings. I went home and started reading the Great and Terrible and struggled through it. That has NEVER happened to me before. I am a voracious reader! I read Gone with the Wind in like 3 days when I was 8 years old! I could not wrap my head around this. So I set that book aside and picked up NDAI. It became a learning tool for me. I used highlighters and colored pens to write notes in the margin. I seriously thought Sheri was speaking directly to me! Through those pages I heard the Spirit ask me if I knew who I really was. I was dumbfounded. I knew who I was in the world but I had no clue who I really was in Father’s eyes. I knew I still had some of the spiritual gifts he had given me but I didn’t know why I had them, let alone what I was supposed to do with them. Within those pages I started taking the first steps I would need to get me to where I am in this moment. Shortly after finishing that book, I sought out my singles ward family and found refuge. I gained the strength I needed to move forward, which meant moving to Southern Ontario, Canada. I left all I knew behind to live with my sister and her family. I was blessed with a year that taught me how to heal, how to love, how to appreciate and most of all… how to be real. Those lessons prepared me to ask the hardest questions I have ever asked in my life. What am I doing? Am I free from the bonds that the world would keep me in? Am I doing everything in my power to receive the Lord in this life? Am I following the right teachings? Do I hear the voice of the Lord? How do I use the gift of healing and discernment properly? Why did Father give them to me? What does He want me to do with them? The list of questions is really endless. It all boils down to a few things though… There have been moments in my life of such divine clarity that I am still working to process them today. In those moments, I have seen Angels, My loving family members and friends that have passed on from this mortal life, I have felt Angels administer to me, I have battled with evil spirits and cast demons out of my presence. There are truths that I have received and no power on this earth will ever take them from me. With all of this, I walk resolutely forward and continue to seek the face of the Lord…not in the next life but, in this one.
Welcome to my Journey.
Goofing off with my co-worker, Chad circa 2004 (maybe)